Curing Assholishness

This is a public service announcement for all of you out there who have to deal with assholes. For the record, assholes come in all shapes, sizes, colors, backgrounds, genders and ages. Basically, an asshole is just someone who is being a jerk, a douche, negative and/or self-centered for no good reason.

People who generally act like assholes are also not likely the type to absorb tons of written info. So this list will put you ahead of the game with regards to dealing with them! Therefore, I present an easy-to-read, straight-forward list of 10 easy improvements you can make to deal with the assholes that you will undoubtably meet. Feel free to share them, use the entries as talking points or even create a picture about one of the entries and post it all over an assholes’ Facebook wall. Remember…you have a choice in the matter!

Without further adieu, here are 10 Ways To Cure Assholishness and Douchebaggery:

1) Force a smile or laugh: A jerk hates nothing more than smiling. It makes them feel good, which is a feeling that no asshole wants to feel. So, give a funny reaction to their negativity. Nothing squashes stress better than a hearty laugh.

2) Stand up: People only act mean because they are allowed to. When someone speaks negatively about another person who isn’t around, call them on it. Ask if that’s true and why they would choose to discuss it in that fashion. Don’t be mean when you respond…just ask. Saying nothing is the worst thing you can do.

3) Cut the cord: If you find yourself around a lot of mean and disrespectful people, the first thing you should do is look in the mirror. You have a choice in the matter. If a person who is constantly around you is toxic, don’t allow them around you any longer. You should also probably ask yourself why you have allowed this to go on…and fix it.

4) Brush your shoulders off: Do not let an asshole get to you. This merely enables them to not only harass you, but to harass others as well. If you can’t turn it into wit or humor, just ignore it or stand up to it. But giving in? Well, do that and you get what you ask for.

5) Gather your troops: Surely you have some friends, family or people you can trust, right? Do not be ashamed to talk to your people about a sticky situation. You should. Not only will they help you get back your confidence, they might even help you deal with it.

6) Check yourself: If you find yourself swarmed by assholes, the odds are that you are not acting as excellently as you could. Are you doing the exact things that annoy you about others? Are you making sure to act as respectfully as you can to everyone? Remember, talking behind people’s backs counts against you too! You spread rumors and, rest assured, they will start being spread about you.

7) Be self-deprecating: Make fun of yourself! As long as you don’t really believe it, it’s a great tool to use. If someone says, “You’re full of shit!,” your reply could be, “Well, only part of me is and sometimes I’m more full of it than other times…so, I agree and disagree with your assessment.” It often leads to laughs, which, as entry #1 states, is a great way to squash a tense situation. 

8) Do your math: If you think that most people are jerks, you are INCORRECT. One thing is for sure, though. If you have that mindset, it will certainly feel like most people around you are being mean. You’re making it that way. Yes, everyone can have a rough day on occasion, but most of us out there are well-meaning, good-natured people who want the best for everyone. That’s not an eternal optimist telling you that. It’s fact.

9) Recognize your power: Do you think the asshole you’re dealing with is spending as much time as you are thinking about the situation? Not likely. They probably do this sort of thing to several people a day and think nothing of it. You have the power to choose how something affects you. Sure, be bothered by someone disrespecting you. But for how long? How mad should you get? As you change from your true self to something more negative, the asshole wins. Don’t let them win…you have control over that!

10) Smack them in the mouth, literally or figuratively: If an asshole you have run into is the mean, aggressive type, it might be time to play some hardball. Many say you should not fight fire with fire. For the most part, I agree. But, to say that you never should? We all know the best way to take out a bully is to stand up to them until they “get it” (or, ‘get got!’) Now, this doesn’t have to equate to physical violence…perhaps you find a way to embarrass them, or set them up for a proper humbling. When none of the other avenues have worked, this is your last resort.


2 thoughts on “Curing Assholishness

  1. Valerie Robins says:

    Well said!!! I’ve adhered to these ten ways for many years and and finally finding my way to #2, Standing Up to the assholes and douchebags, and you know something? Standing up (in the right way) feels GOOD!!!

  2. etomczyk says:

    When I turned 60, I kicked out of my life anybody who remotely fit the asshole description. Then I kicked out going to church because I was feeling worse when I would come out of it then when I would go in, and then I gave fair warning to my grown kids that Mom was entering a new day! Boo-rah! I’ve got a new attitude and I’m feelin’ good! Thanks for articulating it so well.

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