Since I’ve been “back on the market,” I find myself meeting new women. These days, if there’s interest (whether you met at a bar, through a friend, or online), there is a TON of information you share, nearly right away. Today, people will know each other’s political and religious beliefs before they’ve even met for coffee! Personally, I like this. It saves a lot of time and really helps avoid any awkward situations.
These days, a “first date” is actually the second or third time you meet. The first real meeting is just a “meet and greet.” It’s smart to do it this way. If there’s nothing there, all you have to lose is an hour and maybe $4-$7. When it ends, if they say “nice to have met you,” then that will be the last time you see them. If the last thing they say is “I had a nice time, I’d like to do it again,” you are in the house! Of course, before you get to this point, many things will happen.
First, you will go through the progression of getting to know each other via technology. If you’ve met online, then this is inherent. Next, you’ll exchange emails, Facebook/Twitter/blogs, then the phone number. Once you get the digits, it’s likely to start with a text or two, then graduate into a phone call. At which point, you’ll likely set up a “meet and greet,” unless you come off like a sleazy stalker in your conversation. After that (or sometime during), they will likely throw your name in a search engine and, basically, do a background check. Tons of information out there. Certainly enough to make a command decision about whether or not a person is worth an hour of coffee to you.
I just finished an email to someone I recently met and I thought I’d share it. There’s nothing extremely juicy within it, I just think it speaks to the changes dating has undergone in the last 20 years. Pay close attention to the numbered questions and the links to my Facebook page and blog. In addition, I have to note that, as much as you can learn, you won’t know the real deal until you are face-to-face. Her prompt to me was offering up 10 questions (in parentheses) and asking me to “tell her about myself beyond the surface.”
(Eggs scrambled or over easy?) Over easy
(Coffee or Tea?) Coffee
(Beatles or Rolling Stones?) Beatles
(Favorite adult beverage?) 7 & 7
(Most adventurous food you’ve eaten?) I’m not crazy adventurous when it comes to food. Maybe escargo?
(Can you cook?) No one would confuse me for a cook, but I can boil water, make basic meals and am a quick learner.
(Do you like sushi?) I do enjoy sushi. There are several kinds that I like. I’ve really just been introduced to it for about five years or so.
(Is Turkish coffee Turkish or Greek?) You know, I’m not sure? I’ve heard it both ways!
(Do you have tattoos? If so, where are they located?) I have four tattoos and, I’m happy to report, none of them are located where a “tramp stamp” would be. One on each upper shoulder, one on the side of my left calf and one in the middle of my upper back.
(Can you sing, dance or both?) I love music. Mainly, I’m a fan, but I have written and performed it as well (as an MC). I’m not a great dancer, but I’m not a bad one, either. I do like to dance and can certainly tear it up, if necessary. Singing? I can hold a tune and I like to do it, but I’m not great (or good) by any means.
More about me? Hmmm. I do have a blog:
If you are on Facebook, you could learn a lot by friending me:
Beyond that, I’m basically a fun, educated, open-minded cool guy who likes to have fun, good conversation and a great time with friends. I’m honest, loyal, funny, intelligent and driven, but not obsessed by it. I hope to travel more, earn more and continually learn about myself and the world as I go.
At this point, I’ve passed enough of the first wave of testing to apparently be appealing enough to grab a coffee with this person. Which also reminds me of another benefit of today’s dating style: It makes playing the field easier and more honest. Clearly, this isn’t the only woman I’ve met recently. But, everyone knows that. I also know that I’m not the only guy she’s at some part of this process with. All good.
This is also a great thing. It helps avoid rushing into a relationship. It helps you focus on what you truly want and it helps you become brutally honest. I suppose I’m someone who enjoys dating because I like meeting new people, for any reason. However, I know from friends that this process also helps people who are more shy or awkward around a potential partner. It allows them to gain some trust before they have to meet socially.
Of course, the bottom line is still this: When you know, you know. When you know, all these processes go out the window and all the people who were “something” simply go away. Whether you tell them your life story before or after coffee, it always comes down to meeting the right person at the right time, with the right circumstances. When it clicks in (sometimes the first date, sometimes the 10th), all the rest simply ends.